You'll have trouble having kids...

My gyn told me that six years ago. Okay, I was 25 and wasn't thinking about kids yet, so I didn't care. What I cared about was the fact that I was rapidly gaining weight, getting more acne than when I was a teenager, and growing a moustache. I was fine not having my menstrual cycle. It was a pain in the rear end anyway. But, I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. A syndrome doctors only cared about when their women couldn't have kids and pass on the fantastic doctor genes. But, at least there was a treatment - birth control. I didn't want kids anyway.

Fast forward to 2007 (two years ago). I was 29 and in my last year of grad school. I had a great job, made good money, and was ready to become an adult. My husband and I started talking kids. So, off the pill I went (okay, it was the Nuvaring, which is an awesome BC). And three months later, the periods stopped again.

So back on the BC for a few months, off the BC for a few months, on the BC.......(see where this is going?).

My emotions were nuts! I stressed over nothing and was depressed. And I'm an eater when I'm depressed....packed on the pounds. I wasn't freaking out about kids, though. My husband and I were okay without them. Our lives were still fulfilled, and we didn't need kids to complete us. But, I had to deal with those emotions. Enter Endocrinologist.

I was recommended to a great endocrinologist who had turned fertility specialist. She poked and proded and measured and really looked at what was going on. Most PCOS is caused by insulin intolerance, but not all. A small percentage of women with PCOS are caused by other things. I am one of that small percentage. My LH is waaaaaaaaaay too high. The normal LH:FSH ratio is 1:1. A PCOS woman is usually 3:1. Mine is 12:1. So, my little follicles don't get a chance to produce an egg. Therefore, my ovaries aren't producing my normal hormones. That causes the other symptoms.

My PCOS is so bad, there's really nothing anyone can do about it. In her time working with PCOS patients (since the early 1980's), she informed me I am the worst case she had ever seen. Lovely. Treatment options: birth control.

Do we wanna have a baby?

I was 30. Good education, great job, why not? I wasn't getting any younger, and neither were my eggs. Wait, what eggs? Okay, I know the path of making eggs. Women are like scorpions. We are born with all the eggs we'll have - our venom. But, they are all stuck at Stage I Meiosis. Each month one (typically) develops to Stage II so you have one egg and three basal bodies. (I'm a science teacher.) The LH in my body was not allowing the eggs to develop to Stage II.

My PCOS was so bad, fertility treatments (like Clomid) would not work. IUI (in-utero insemination - or what dog breeders call artificial insemination with the help of fertility drugs)would not work. I was not going to ovulate on my own. My ONLY option - in-vitro fertilization (IVF).

It hit me - I was infertile. In the time since my first diagnosis, it finally dawned on me I was infertile. I have heard of women having breakdowns because they were infertile. They didn't feel like whole women and were mad at God for not allowing them to have children. I felt none of that. But, I knew what must be done. My husband and I did want kids and now was the time to start.