After retrieval

It is now Fri, Jan 30. I went through a week of work. I'm exhausted. I'm worn out physically and emotionally. I don't want to be doing this right now. I want to go back to lucky-go-happy Dana. I want to stop crying.

My best friend had a baby last year. He will be a year old in March. You know what's funny - she was on birth control when she got pregnant. I am so happy for her. She loves her son; and he's adorable.

But, it's not fair. Why are there some women who can easily get pregnant and some who cannot? My best friend is a great mother but why do some people who have no business being parents pop out child after child after child? My husband would be a great father. I should say, my husband WILL be a great father.

Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? God, am I supposed to be a mother? Right now, I have no idea why I'm doing this?

My period started yesterday. On its own for the first time in almost 2 years. It's a hard one, too. I actually have cramps. I haven't had cramps in years. For those of you who have horrible cramps and PMDD, I'm sorry. I hope I'm not being insensitive to you. My emotions are up and down, up and down.

Now, it's time to prepare the uterus on Feb 18 I start lupron shots. I ordered my meds and yesterday and got them today. I went to a movie with my husband. We had a good time. When we got home, I cried. Why? Because that's what I do. I need a pick-me-up. Any takers?