One week down; one to go...

My FET was 8 days ago. My pregnancy test is in 7 days. I've tried not to analyze everything that I feel or think. A few hours after transfer I started to get the beginnings of a migraine. Thankfully it stayed low grade, but it stayed...until Monday. Tuesday was a great day! Then Wednesday hit.

I've had migraines for 18 years. I know how they start; I know how to take care of them. But, my migraine meds are off limits as of transfer. So Wednesday morning I wake up and can tell one is coming. Usually, at that point I would take an imitrex shot and a long hot shower. But, imitrex is not allowed. So, I suck it up and proceed to vomit my intestines up.

Two hours and five vomits later I'm in tears as I tell my sub what do, prep seat work for the kids, and call my chiropractor and doctor. I have a fabulous (and painful) massage. I go home and fall asleep. The nurse calls and gets the particulars of my migraine history and my current migraine. She tells me it is probably the estrogen I'm taking. I told her it is following normal pattern. She called back and said I could have my imitrex until I have a positive pregnancy test. UGH! 6.5 hours and 2 doses later, I can finally crawl out of bed without a migraine. If I had taken that shot at 6:00 in the morning along with my shower, they would have never known at work that I had woken up with a migraine!!! So, I lost a day of my week.

My father did a good job with the shots, but I'm glad my husband is back. There's just something creepy showing one's backside to one's father.

Today has been a roller coaster ride. I got home from a school activity and found blood when I went to the bathroom. It was light pink, and I haven't seen it since. Implantation? I'm hoping. As I said before - seven days left.

The transfer

I had the day off yesterday. I woke up at 8:00 and felt really nervous. It took me a while to figure out why I was so nervous. I wondered - "What if this doesn't work?" Then I realized it' not what if it doesn't work. If it doesn't work nothing changes. But if it does work - my life will be completely different.

I drank my water like a good girl at 9:30. By 10:00 my bladder was angry with me. My husband and I walked into the procedure room and saw a picture of two blastocysts on the computer monitor. I walked up to the picture and pointed at it, unable to speak. The nurse started to explain it's because they were frozen and then thawed. I stopped her and then asked in a choked voice, "Are those mine?" She smiled and said, "Yes! This is where the tears begin." She hugged me and then told me to go get ready - but not to go to the bathroom.

I got ready and assumed the position. She laughed that I had gotten on the bed and stirrups correctly without being told how. I had obviously been through a lot of monitoring.

The embryologist came in and talked to us about the procedure. It was the first time I had met him. He was really nice. He is from Hungary and has a cool accent. He is also extremely professional and has a comforting demeanor.

The RE came in and got us started. It went very quickly. Before I knew it we were done. The embryologist came back in and shook our hands. He then handed Jason a copy of the blasts! I'll publish them soon, but right now I want to keep them to myself. Right now, they're my kids.

So, my two week wait (2ww) is here. I go in April 3 for my pregnancy test. Until then, I consider myself pregnant. No caffeine (yikes!), migraine meds, alcohol, etc. And it begins...

The verdict on the shots...

They really aren't that bad! I've been on an online forum for support. They have just complained about the progesterone shots and I had gotten really nervous about them. I promise you tetanus shots are harder than these guys for me.

Yeah, my husband is really awesome!!!

And it starts....

My first progesterone shot was today. I sat for 30 minutes on a heating pad and waited for my butt muscles to warm up. I prepared the shot and called my husband.

I leaned over and he asked if I was ready. The needle was definitely noticeable unlike the HCG IM shot. He checked for blood and started the plunge. He did inject slowly, so the actual injection did not hurt. He pulled out, and whoosh........blood comes out. I filled up almost the entire napkin we had ready. I now have a little band-aide. I'll have lots of band-aides by the time this is over....... Overall, wasn't bad. Don't really want to do it for the next 14-16 weeks, but I think it is definitely worth a pregnancy.

Transfer is in about 108 hours. Counting down....

Endo Check

My endometrium is measuring 7.1 mm. My doctor was hoping it would be at least 8.0 mm by now. But since I just stopped bleeding a couple of days ago (after 9 days of bleeding) it is understandable and not doing too badly.

I have to up my estrace dose (you don't want to know how I administer it) and start my progesterone Sunday. I transfer on March 20, and my husband leaves town for 5 days on March 23. So, I have asked my father to administer my progesterone IM shots. He is a retired neurosurgeon for animals.

He was so cute about it. He called me up and said he is not sure he is comfortable with that. He doesn't know human anatomy and though I'm bitchy I am not a dog. I told him I would show him where to shoot me up. He said I talked him into it. It's still weird to think about having my father shoot me in my butt. We'll see.

How horrible am I?

We currently have four pregnant teachers at my school (that I know of). There are two in the school level where I teach (middle school). I went to the baby shower for one of the pregnant teachers, ignored two (both elementary) and have just received the invitation for the last.

A few weeks ago I gave that teacher a crocheted baby blanket I had made. I went to her and asked her if she would mind if I didn't go.

Am I being selfish? I just don't want to go through all the words about being pregnant and how being a mother is so wonderful and the best thing in the world. I get paranoid. Will they ask me when I'm going to have kids? They probably don't even think it, but I do enough for them.

I'm hoping that if this doesn't work and my hormones go back to "normal" without all this medically induced emotional rollercoaster I will not mind going to these things and being so happy for the women having babies. I want to be happy for them. I am happy for my friends. Is it okay to just not celebrate with them for a little bit?

Spring always helps

It rarely snows in Georgia, but we had a big one last week (for Georgia). I am so ready for the spring. So, the snow if finally gone and the temperatures reached the 70's this weekend. It was nice this weekend. I went to a lacrosse game for my school and actually got burned on my nose and neck.

The temps having definitely brightened my spirits. I am feeling hopeful again.

I had a neurology appointment earlier this week. I have severe migraines, so I visit my neurologist every three months. He officially took me off my migraine meds since we are progressing to transfer. My migraines are trying to hit me, but I've staved them off for now.

We can do this....it will work.....I have to hope as I go insane.

Another hard post....

It's another hard day on the 'ole emotions. A pet project at work is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. It was taken out of my hands at the beginning of the school year against my will. The person they gave it to, cause they thought he was more qualified, is tearing it apart. It hurts to see it fall apart. With my emotions already on edge I feel like I am falling apart, too.

I'm working hard with the students, going to their after school activities, getting to know parents.....you know - staying busy. It helps, but I'm getting really tired.

Ultrasound is coming up. Hopefully it will be good news and it will brighten my spirits.

These emotions are not mine, I hope.

So Sunday I was in church. We actually got there on time, I felt well rested, it was raining (and I LOVE rain), and things were just going my way. I should have known then.........

In my church we have congregational singing instead of a choir. I love it that way. We were standing singing a song I've known my whole life and love to sing: "We will glorify the King of kings; we will glorify the Lamb." I was also watching the family in front of me that you could tell just loved being a family together.

They have biological children of their own but opened their home and hearts to a sibling couple and adopted them a couple of months ago. The younger one is about four years old.

The little boy walked quickly from his older sister to his mom and streached his arms out to her. Mom got a big smile on her face, put her songbook down, picked the boy up, and was rewarded with the biggest hug in the world.

It was beautiful. It was precious. It was amazing and all that it should be. I burst into tears.

I have never minded being infertile. If we don't have kids, Jason and I are perfectly happy with just us. But, I have been pumping my body with hormones it is not used to. Now I get angry and teary-eyed when I see people have what I am trying to have.

I love the women at my work. They are fabulous Christian women. I have not told them I'm in the middle of IVF because that's just me. I don't want to answer a thousand questions from them about how I'm feeling, what I'm doing, how's it going. But I can't sit with them at lunch much longer. I'm tired of listening to them talk about what their pregnancy was like. How their childbirth experiences compared. Planning baby showers and nurseries. One even talks about how being a mother is the only way a woman in the world should be. Yeah, she has two and easily conceived both.

Before I started IVF, these things did not bother me. So, they must be fake emotions. They are my drug-induced emotions and do not belong to me.