March 20 is THE day......

Not much has been happening. On Feb 18 I started lupron and waited for menses. I came yesterday......which means, the real fun starts.

I called my doctor yesterday to let her know I had started. They worked out when I would transfer and called me back. I transfer on Friday, March 20. When the nurse said that, my gut clenched! I actually started shaking a little bit. It's real. It's actually going to happen.

Tomorrow (March 1) I start baby aspirin, estrace, and pull mt 0.2mL lupron shot to 0.05mL. In a week I get my endometrium size checked to see if my body is properly "nesting". If it is I start progesterone shots (IM).

Oh, I've heard horrible things about IM progesterone. It's in oil and the oil apparently builds up in my skin giving me painful knots at the injection sites.

If all goes to plan (which when has it?) I'm off work March 20 and have two thawed 5-day blasts inserted into my body. I start the dreaded two week wait where I go back for a pregnancy test. So, counting today, I'll know in 35 days.........wow.

Am I doing the right thing? I can still back out. I like my life without children. *sigh* I know it's all worth it in the end. I just feel out of control. For a perfectionist control freak like me, that is not a good feeling.

Just keep on keeping on as Joe Dirt would tell me......

The Lord has Blessed Me!!

I am on a forum where I meet and talk with other women who are also having to go through infertility and infertility treatments. There is a lot of different types of treatments on that forum: ivf, iui, clomid, etc.

One of my friends from there went through a retrieval on Sunday. They retrieved only four eggs and only one of those fertilized. I have questioned why my retrieval was so painful. I know now....at least I think I know.

I retreived 48 eggs, and it mae me very very sick. They tried to fertilize 8 eggs. Six fertilized. Two of them went to blast and will be transferred next month. I start my FET protocol tomorrow (Feb 18).

It is doubtful I will need my other eggs. So, we will donate them to other women who cannot produce their own eggs. I went through hell so others can have children.

Thank you, God!!!!

An up!!!!

So, I've been having a hard time emotionally lately and praying for an up in my life. I finally got one!

When I got OHSS I gained 7 pounds of fluid. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to lose the fluid. I drank 2 liters of water everyday and exercised. I have now lost 8 pounds!! I lost all the fluid plus one extra pound. It doesn't sound like much, but with my hormone imbalance, losing weight is difficult.

It's money...

I received a bill today. My goodness....we've already paid over $10,000 to these guys. This bill is another $4,000. We have tapped into our equity. Here's another amount coming out. Why doesn't insurance pay for any of this? It hasn't even paid for my hetastarch which was a treatment for an illness. *sigh* There are supposed to be ups and downs. I've had too many downs lately....I need an up.

AHHHHHH Make It Stop!

Before my PCOS symptoms showed up, I was regular. I had small cramps (Advil took care of it) the day before I started. I had 2 light days, 3 heavy days, and then 2 light days. Then done. I barely noticed my periods. Whlile on birth control for PCOS, I followed the same pattern.

I haven't had a real period in almost two years. I have had 3 induced periods. The first one was after 14 months, so it was hard - bled for 24 days...but, not too heavy and no real cramps.

I was on estrogen shots for over two weeks. My endometrium measured over 11cm at its greatest. So now that it's time to bleed, I'm feeling it. It's now been 8 days of HEAVY flow. I have cramps to no end. I also am still bloated from my hyperstimulation. My emotions are still going crazy so I cry and then yell in the same breath.

Make it stop!!!! When will my period end???

IVF controversy

So the octuplet controversy is going on right now. There was a woman who had 8 babies last week and it has come out that she used IVF to have her children. Oh Boy! This will hurt the image of those of us undergoing IVF. I am thankful the women at my work have not brought this up at lunch yet. But, they will.

I work at a conservative Christian organization. They are pretty progressive for our faith, but they are conservative for mainstream society. What will they think? I don't really know or care, but I don't want to know by having a discussion. I'm just worrying for nothing, I know. I guess it's just part of the hormones streaming through my body.

We got our thaw consent forms in the mail. Normal, expected, but there was something that bothered me. Did I read it that there is really only an 8% chance for the FET to work? AHHHH! No, it is more. I must think positively.

I begin Lupron Feb 18th. We'll see........